Wedding Planning Advice from a Disgruntled Wedding Pro
A few words and thoughts before the advice – I promise it’s not too far down – but I’m a wordy B and if you came for bullet points, you’ll be disappointed.
I’m not disgruntled with the wedding industry so much as elements of influencer/social media culture and how it all affects wedding planning and wedding vendors. I for one am very tired of having trends shoved in my face with the underlying message of “get on trend or prepare to see your choices in a TikTok montage with some rando labeling them ‘cringe’ or ‘things we’re over in 2025.’”
While I’m not planning a wedding, these same concepts are constantly front and center as they apply to marketing strategies, messaging, website design, photo editing, our “brand personality.”
Admittedly, these pressures have been getting to me lately, making me worry we aren’t trendy enough or our messaging isn’t crafted for the right generational subset of wedding clients.
The other day on IG I saw a reel that said if I begin my wedding inquiry response emails with “Congratulations, thanks for getting in touch,” I’ll never book another client. The literal next reel was hocking an email template that guaranteed no one would ever ghost me again! I downloaded it. (Told ya it was getting to me.) Wanna guess what it said every email response should begin with? Yup. “Congratulations, thanks for getting in touch.”
Anyway, not long after that I finally reached my limit when I re-read my own About Me and Wedding Services pages. Ironic, because I was reviewing them to see if I should change them. Instead, they reminded me that I’ve found the most success when I stick to being me and focus on how I want to feel and how I want to make others feel. And to hell with all the extraneous worry about how it looks and how it compares to what everyone else is doing. Clearly, I wrote those pages when I had a bit more courage in my convictions than I’ve had recently, and I’m thankful I did.
This is the tricky part of being in the wedding world – whether you’re here making a living or planning your own event. The best parts and worst parts are the same parts. The amount of choices you get to make, the number of incredible ideas, variety of venues, all the ways you can craft a bridal look, a ceremony script, a reception space’s design, layout and vibes.
These are the things that make wedding planning really fun and also really tough. One minute you’re just thrilled to be getting married and the next you no longer know if an urban loft or a barn venue suits you better.
Who doesn’t know if they’re more “urban loft” or “barn”?!
That’s pretty ground level in terms of knowing your own style, no? You can love both and imagine having a good time in either. But really, you ought to know which is more you, right?
Unless you’re surrounded by endless “inspo.” Which you will be. I’ll even be among the zillions of industry people feeding you a constant supply.
Once you become surrounded by all the inspo and ideas, you’ll slowly get sucked into a belief of what an on-trend, insta-worthy wedding should look like. The Almighty Algorithm will feed you more and more of the same to really drive it home. Before you know it, your grungy, inked-up, 90s-punk-loving self is planning a pastel garden soiree and talking to bridal shop attendants about whimsical frocks.
The same thing happens to wedding vendors like me and, I would bet, a lot of other small business owners. We’re constantly trying to get it all right and just like wedding planning, we constantly see various ways of doing the same thing and it is so easy to fall into, “Oh is that what we’re doing now?! Okay, me too!”
My advice? For you and for me?
Figure out the feelings, first.
Let’s call it our Feelings Goal.
Here’s what that looks like for wedding planning:
Set aside all the visual inspo. No ‘gram, no tiktok, and for the love of everything holy, no Pinterest.
Talk to your partner and write down your ideas for how your wedding should feel. Feeling words only. Not visual, style or aesthetic words.
Rustic is not a feeling.
Airy, garden vibes are not a feeling.
Casual, fancy, formal and laid-back are feelings.
Rowdy, chill, intimate, quiet and energized are feelings.
Loved, supported, celebrated and encouraged are feelings.
Once you have your Feelings Goal nailed down – that’s your wedding day goal post – that’s what you’re working toward.
Every choice you make from venue to catering menus, to floral style, and even photography can be measured against that goal. It either moves you closer to the goal, away from the goal, or doesn’t make a difference.
If it doesn’t make a difference, then you know how much of your mental energy and budget should be extended to that element. And that amount depends on how much of each you have available. There’s freedom in that, I think.
Gorgeous floral napkins with color coordinated crystal water goblets look good. They look real good. You might want them real bad. But if the budget isn’t there, or you’re out of time to make another tweak to the plans, you can sigh and let it go knowing it doesn’t move your wedding closer or further from your goal. (Unless of course it does. But you get the idea.)
The decisions that don’t make a difference are still important. But they’re way more fun when they carry less weight and when you’re making them just for you.
Not sure where to begin with nailing down your dream wedding feelings? I gotchu…
How do you want your interactions with guests to feel?
Do you want it to feel like everyone you’ve ever known is together in one place? When else can you introduce your college roommates to your Kindergarten bestie and your Parrothead Aunt to your Parrothead secretary from work. Weird example. It’s what came to mind.
If making those introductions and connections and standing back to watch your various worlds mix and mingle makes you feel energized and like you would be so on in that situation… maybe you’re on to something.
Or…
Do you want it to feel more intimate, with only the folks who play key roles in your lives coming together to lift you up as a couple and toast to your journey? Maybe that’s the people you’d call for an impromptu summer cookout, the people you casually text every day or the folks you’d list as emergency contacts. Probably it’s the people you’ll call when life is at its best and worst. With a strictly curated guest list, you’ll have plenty of time to chat and celebrate with each of them.
Or…
Somewhere in between, perhaps? More like a family holiday gathering – minus any problematic uncles, plus the friends you spend every weekend with – just enough people for that chaotic, loud, overlapping conversation that makes you feel a part of something, but still small enough to have a bit of meaningful time with everyone.
Once you know who you want around… how do you want those people to feel?
Do you want them to feel like they’re at the most legit dance party ever?
Or…
Like it’s one of those great nights with friends gathered around a table laughing and sharing stories?
Or…
Should it feel like the best date night ever? Bonfires and yard games under string lights? Trying new food and cocktails together? Cozied up on a balcony overlooking the city while you chat with friends?
Finding some feelings yet?
Remember, none of these are right or wrong. None of them are better than the other.
But…
Some might be more instagram-able.
Some might be easier for your parents to understand.
Some might be more like what your siblings have done.
Some might be more in line with what the industry is currently selling.
But – and this is my biggest piece of advice – to hell with all that.
To hell with how it looks to anyone who wasn’t there.
To hell with worrying if someone else would have chosen the same.
To hell with “what we’ve always done” if it isn’t what you want to do.
You aren’t meant to craft something that looks really cool to outsiders right now. You’re meant to craft something that feels so significant right now – you can still recall the feeling 10, 25 years from now.
So that’s what I’m going to do here in my little corner of the wedding world. I’m going to keep the feelings in front and create images that help you recall the feeling-first wedding day you crafted.
Maybe now we can all safely view the inspo. In moderation. (I’m still done with the influencers and marketing version of snake oil salesmen though.)
Cheers, friends!
Maggie Medema Photography is a wife-husband wedding photography team based in St. Louis, Missouri and serving all of Missouri and Illinois. When we capture weddings, we focus on the feels and we usually find them in the small moments and interactions that make up your day. We like our photos, especially our portraits, to feel casual, natural and happy. We blend candid, documentary and traditional wedding photography styles to create timeless and true-to-life galleries.
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