Dear Jim, Jack & Captain Morgan: I’ll see you in April

February 24, 2009

So it’s Fat Tuesday. Which may be one of my favorite holidays because any day that is based on overconsumption is just fine by me. So far today, I’ve had two rice krispie treats for breakfast. There’s a McDonald’s Value Meal in my near future and believe you me, I do not frequent McDonalds. But I take this Fat Tuesday business very seriously. I may need to go to a movie tonight so that I get a very large soda and a very large bucket of very buttery popcorn (how good does that sound??).

Sadly, Fat Tuesday lasts but a single day and tomorrow I must sacrifice something for lent. (Really I do a shameful job of following most Catholic tradition but for some reason I continue to do this. A test of will maybe?) So, I am giving up alcohol.

No beers, no maggieritas, no whiskey of any kind (which probably means I’m also giving up Cheetos.) The only exception to my rule is wine, because Jesus drank wine so I can too. I think thats completely reasonable.

This may be a real cop out on my part – aren’t you supposed to give up alcohol during Lent anyway? I don’t know. A mere technicality. Anyway…

My Dearest Jim, Jack, Captain, even you Bud: We need to talk. I think we need to take a break. It’s not you. It’s me. My wallet is wearing thin and my waist is not and I think it maybe due to our on-again-off-again relationship. It’s just a break. Nothing permanent. (Except you, Jim, after what you did to my head this weekend, we may be over for good.)

We can see other people if you’d like. There’s a nice looking Reisling in my cabinet that’s been eyeing me and I think I need to see what it has to offer. We can still be friends, I’d really like that. And if we run into each other at a bar one night, no hard feelings. No need to look the other way. So, if you could just step aside for the next 40 days, we’ll see where we can go from there.

We’ll see how this goes. I have serious get-fit plans for the next four months so maybe my Lenten sacrifice can help me with that.

Zac is giving up coffee. I find this ludacris. Zac likes coffee a million times more than I like alcohol. But, he is often more disciplined than I am so probably he can make it work. Or, maybe, he’ll be on meth by the time Easter rolls around. Either way, I’m sure he’ll find a way to keep his energy level boosted with out his beloved black coffee.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go eat more rice krispie treats and locate some candy so I can get back to my Fat Tuesday focus. Would any of you like to go out for drinks this evening? I’ll have a good 6 hours of drinking time left after work : )