My Best Friend’s Wedding (ha.)

May 14, 2012

Clever title, right?

Today I bring to you a very long, very thoroughly illustrated blog post about – obviously – my best friend’s wedding. This past weekend the aforementioned friend – Kate – and her beau –  Joel – were married in dramatic and beautiful fashion in what was I assure you, the prettiest wedding ever. Disclaimer – I totally didn’t process these photos. Zero photoshopping. It ain’t that kind of wedding post!

(That was first of 800 times I will end a sentence with “ever” in this blog post. I’m sorry. Clearly, my vocabulary has limits.)

But of course, before there was a wedding, there were pre-wedding celebrations! And I’ve been stockpiling all the photos from the showers and parties and finally, it is time to share them!

The first of the parties was a bridal shower in Streator. But before the bridal shower…there was a meeting of the bridemaids on what I have dubbed Streator Shower Eve.

Streator Shower Eve was supposed to be “a quick drink” and an “early night.” It somehow morphed into a complete and utter shit show complete with the most heartfelt performance of Reba McIntyre’s “Fancy” ever known to man.

 

There are photos. And there is video. But mark my word the video shall never see the light of day blog. Ever. Ever ever.

Other people go out and have drinks and dance to music. But only when I am out with these particular ladies does it go oh so far beyond dancing and more into the realm of melodramatic performance. We can dance. Our facial expressions are second to none. But. we. can. not. sign.

I have no idea what I was doing in the above photos. No idea at all.

My sincere apologies on behalf of us all if you happened to be out and about in Streator on this Shower Eve and were subject to our singing/wailing/screeching.

The next day was Shower Day and what a beautiful shower it was! Tiny jars and lilacs? Yes!

Awesome people? Duh.

So a few weeks passed until it was time to pre-celebrate this grand wedding once again.

Sometime last fall we ladies sat down and selected dates for a bachelorette party and a shower to be held in Edwardsville.

Don’t plan wedding events while drinking.

Low-cal mojitos from Houlihans can be the only excuse possible for our decision to host a bachelorette party on Saturday and a bridal shower on Sunday…in towns 45 minutes apart.

Despite our insanity, I would say we pulled off both parties without much trouble : )

Behold the bachelorette party…

A day custom made for our bride featuring flea market shopping, winery hopping and a big girl slumber party at the cutest cottage ever in Grafton, Il – home to a slew of fabulous wineries and riverside greatness.

 

So the day of the party we arrived to find the cottage was even better than we expected! Complete with bunk beds, an awesome set up, brightly colored bath robes, the whole 9 yards. It even had its own perfectly landscaped yard.

I seriously want to rent this bad boy again for a random weekend in the fall and fill it with my favorite people.

Once the bride arrived we offered her our selection of bachelorette flair – blinking pins, rings, sashes, necklaces, tiara’s, and so on. And, because she is Kate, she choose to wear all of it. Along with the key to cottage which came on a vintage necklace. So once our bachelorette was wearing everything that could possible go around her neck, we hit The Loading Dock for lunch.

Right as we finished our lunch, some serious storm clouds started to roll in, so we sought shelter in the flea market.

This is probably the only time in history a person has worn a bachelorette sash and blinking button to a flea market.

The bride loaded up on some vintage jewelry, a quilt and a suit case – quite a success!

From there, we dodged the storms in our awesome cottage, hooked the bride up with some fun gifts and then, as the rain stopped, finally headed off to our wineries! The walk from our cottage to the nearest winery was about 3-4-ish blocks. But we (ok…I) made the genius decision to “go the back way.” The back way is a normally dry, scenic, relaxing walk along a walking path along the river.

On this particular day…it was more like quick sand than a walk way. We were forced to use our giant rainbow umbrella to poke the ground before us before we stepped into it, lest we sink up to our knees.

Thankfully, the bachelorette was able to bust out some old ballet moves and leap the worst of the mud in a single bound!

Pause for a self-timed group photo by the light house!

Just after this photo, the rain started again. So we popped open the giant rainbow umbrella and created a formation in which we all had shelter from the rain. We then marched, in formation, the rest of the way to the winery. Lord only knows what this looked like to the people already at the winery. Big rainbow umbrella, bachelorette with blinky buttons at the helm, girls with jeans rolled up to their knees marching in formation… I wish I could see that, I really do.

Once we had seats and a “few” bottles of wine, we got to business “celebrating.”

At some point we ate 100 babybel cheeses.

And we harassed the holy hell out of some poor waiter who had the bad sense to tell us he was “out of the cheesy garlic bread.” But let me tell you something. Don’t ever take no for an answer. We asked 100 hundred times and after the 99th “I’m truly sorry, we are out of the bread” we finally got a “Ok, I will get the cheesy garlic bread!!!!”

And it was delicious.

After the first several bottles were emptied our bachelorette announced she would be going to the restroom. She gets up. She leaves. I think that’s the end of that until I notice half our party is gasping and pointing… Low and behold our bachelorette has found herself laying on the ground, a handful of concerned men trying to get her back up…but she is, of course, laughing far too hard to get back to her feet.

After snapping a few photos, I finally got up to check on her. I asked if she was hurt to which she replied and I quote, “No!!! That was my favorite thing that has happened all day!!!!”

Awesome. Months of planning and I could have just shoved her on her ass   : )

In her defense – the deck we were sitting on was very wet, slippery and uneven. Her giggling and the joy she found in falling and skinning her knees can certainly be attributed to the wine, the actually falling…I’m not so sure.

So there was dancing and singing and more drinking of the wine before it was finally time to head back to our cottage.

Once we were back and dried off – we ate much food. Much, much food. We had a full blown fiesta in fact. And it was good.

Board games, misc. chit chat, a full pan of brownies and a few rounds of Wii Michael Jackson followed. I have no idea what happened after that because I passed out on the couch.

The next morning we drug our sorry butts out 0f our cute little bunk beds and geared up for round 2 – the shower.

We’d decided on a Garden/Library theme for Kate’s shower in honor of her love for…well…gardening and books, obviously. So we built it around the saying “If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.”

Behold the invitations:

And our request for a favorite book/author recommendation:

We used books in many forms and some pretty spring flowers to jazz up the space:

 

I loved how our banners turned out!

Minus that fact that too much beer while crafting led to a banner that read Kate + Loel instead of Kate + Joel. Whatevs. It was a conversation piece!

For favors, we tied up some flower seed packets with a bookmark! I made the bookmarks to feature the saying we used as the theme and on the back, a photo of a flower that Kate had taken, so everyone got some bride-art to take home!

A southern-themed lunch was quite yummy – we had to go southern because Kate spent a year working in Alabama and still talks about the food! I’m sure it wasn’t quite on par with the real deal, but we pulled it off! Pulled pork, individual salads served in mason jars, baked beans, corn bread, deviled eggs and of course – banana pudding and apple pie!

The Edwardsville shower wrapped up our pre-wedding partying. Until Friday night when we rehearsed the ceremony and then had a ridiculously good time.

But before we dive into that I must tell you a little story.

You must know that I am late for everything. Always. Not usually by a lot, but always by a little. It just is.

However, I will have you know that I had no intentions of being late for anything related to this wedding. I needn’t have worried though since my friends were all over that and were going to see to it that I was on time! They’re good friends like that.

So about 10 minutes before I’d planned to leave I got a call from my fellow bridesmaid, Lyssa, letting me know that she and her husband, Cipi, were on there way to my house. To pick me up. (And deliver me, on time, to the rehearsal. Although they didn’t actually come out and say that!) So I met them in our parking lot and told Cipi I had left the door open for him, to go in and make himself at home until Zac got home from work. Off we went.

I found out later that Zac arrived home to find Cipi sitting on our neighbors patio, writing an email on his phone, while our neighbor peered out his upstairs window, trying to figure out why this well dressed stranger had taken up residence in his lawn furniture! Thank God he didn’t listen to me and go on in and make himself at home! Lord knows how this story would end if he’d decided he was in a mood for a beer from the fridge!!

Anyway…with the rehearsing accomplished we all gathered for what ended up being an awesome night of food, wine and excessive laughter. And Kate gave us ridiculously amazing bridal party gifts which was very similar to being on the Oprah’s Favorite Things show.

A brief photo shoot followed in the oh-so-dimly lit room – so we got creative with the lighting!

The next morning arrived and I may have been as excited for this wedding day as I had been my own!!

There was a trip to a salon… Shout out to Treo Salon in Edwardsville! I’ve witnessed the “getting ready” portion of a lot of weddings and I have never seen a salon be this efficient, friendly, and relaxed. Zero stress, everyone loved their hair and they were speedy! Go there. For real.

Look at that hair! Seriously. I’ve been jealous of that hair for years.

And then it was back to the hotel for make up, Michael Jackson, and the donning of a gorgeous wedding dress!!

Wowza.

Kate had this beautiful vintage bracelet to wear (real vintage – not fake from-the-mall vintage!!) and not long after she put it on, it got hooked to her dress. No biggie, I unhooked it. Then it got hooked again. No biggie, I unhooked it. Then it got hooked again, well crap. I unhooked it. Then as she got into my car so that I could drive her to her First Look with Joel, it got hooked again. For crying out loud. I unhooked it.

I then gave her strict instructions that once I walked out the door and down the aisle at the ceremony she best keep that arm above her head because I wasn’t running back to unhook her again!

I proceeded to unhook the Godforsaken bracelet from her dress 53 more times prior to the ceremony.

With the bride dropped off for photos with her groom, we ladies got to work getting beautified, grabbed our (gorgeous) bouquets and piled in Lyssa’s car to meet the couple for the full wedding party photos. Just as we back out of our parking spot, Lyssa at the wheel and me beside her, we hear a scream from the backseat. Before we know what is happening Amy has launched herself out of the car and is yelling something about ticks and spiders and Jesus Christ.

With the crisis averted (and the spider very dead) Amy begins to get back in the car and as she does says “Okay, I’m good now.”

While Amy meant, “My high-speed come apart is over.” Lyssa thought she meant, “I have returned to vehicle and am buckled in, ready to go.”

This minor communication error nearly led to one bridesmaid and 2 bouquets being run over. So far, this is all going exactly as should be expected given the people involved.

We arrive on location for our photo shoot. I have no fewer than 3 Paris Hilton moments because my dress is so short that moving in any fashion results in behavior that could get my name on a list, if you know what I mean.

So we all hike over to the bride and groom who are posing in front of a bad ass old barn. I love this barn. This location is awesome. I am excited. Until I hear 3 little words from the bride: “There are bees.”

She knows me well enough to know that I am about to re-enact the tick/spider/Jesus Christ moment we’ve just had in the parking lot. I do. not. do. bees.

But this is important. So I’m going to keep it together damn it.

These bees, however, are not bees at all. They are golfball sized African feck-you-up bees. No joke. Biggest “bees” ever. I begin having flash backs of the tracker jackers from The Hunger Games.

Joel proceeds to point out that these odd bees are apparently wood boring as evidenced by them swarming the old barn wood which is littered with holes and tiny piles of saw dust.

Great. Wood-boring golf ball sized African feck-you-up bees.

I am given direction to stand next to the bride. Who is close to the bees.

So I go and I stand. And all I can think is that my dress is so short and I’m wearing nearly nothing under it and ohmagod these bee bastards are going to fly up my skirt and bore into my hoo-ha. And that doesn’t sound like a happy day to me.

But I clamp my legs shut, stand next to the bride, and I smile.

Then one buzzes by me. I nearly loose my shit. But the bride, ever reasonable, says, “Don’t panic! No no no! Be calm! Be calm! They’re puppies. They’re just puppies!”

They’re just puppies??!! What the feck kind of puppy has she been playing with?! I love me a puppy and those weren’t puppies.

Nonetheless we finish the photoshoot without anyone being eaten by the bees. Just as we’re wrapping up, a bee buzzes past the bride and poops on her dress.

I am not kidding.

Bride. Pooped on. By a bee.

Okay, we aren’t exactly sure that’s what happened. But from somewhere in the sky fell a blob of bright yellow liquid. Think exploding highlighter.

And it landed right on the front of the brides dress. A look of horror crosses her face (and rightfully so).

The photographer, good woman that she was, says “It’s not that bad! Don’t worry, just don’t touch it yet! It’s not that bad.”

Kate looks at me as if to say hopefully, “It’s not that bad? Maybe it’s not that bad?”

But I kindly reassure her that “no, dude, it’s really fecking bad.”

I borrow the nearest cell phone, dial my husband and scream “Tide pen. Korte stadium. NOW!!”

To which my husband responds (I’m not even sure if he knows who is calling him at this point) “I’m not dressed.”

Insert profanity-laced response here.

15.5 seconds later, tires screeching, the tide pen arrives. And thankfully after several applications, it works.

A brief interlude involving poison ivy, poison oak, and a skunk follows. After this, the photos are finished and we are released to the ceremony.

Kate  & Joel’s ceremony kicked ass. I love nontraditional ceremonies that still manage to maintain the weight and importance of a traditional ceremony.

I especially loved 2 things – the first being their wine ceremony. They wrote each other letters and sealed them. Then they placed those letters, along with a bottle of wine, into a wooden box and nailed it shut. The idea is that on their 5th anniversary they will open the box and share the letters and wine. And, should times get tough before then, they can unseal the box and the letters and wine and be reminded of what brought them together in the first place.

How amazing is that? I love it! I love the wine, I love the letters and I love the admission that it might not always be easy. That you might need a drink and reminder to get through it some days. I like honesty in a wedding. Points for that.

The other thing I loved was the Blessing of the Rings. Before exchanging their rings, each of Kate and Joel’s parents held the rings and said a silent prayer, blessing or good wishes over the rings. Very awesome touch. One of my favorite moments of the day…the flower girl and her slinky walking down the aisle : )  : )

Once they were wed it was time for a wee little party : )

The details of their reception are too many and too fabulous for me to recount. You’ll just have to wait until the professional photos are available and you can drool over them all then. Suffice to say the whole thing was amazing and should probably grace the pages of national magazines.

Like these vintage postcards that guests wrote messages on! They’ll be mailed to them a few at a time throughout the year.

Or this chalkboard menu – how fabulous is that?

And this genius children’s table?! May have been my favorite Kate idea yet!!

I was super anxious once the reception started because I was giving the toast.

A writer? Yes. A speaker? Not so much.

I minored in Speech Communication. You would think a wedding toast would be a walk in the park. But believe me, I was anxious and I wanted that thing done and over in a bad bad way.

To top it off, I’d never gotten around to writing out the speech. And I had originally written it on my blackberry. So…I read it from my blackberry. I’m sure that prior to the toast people were whispering about the snotty bridesmaid who was checking her email or updating her facebook status on her phone from the head table, but I was really just reviewing my speech for the 100th time.

Thankfully, I got through it without much trouble. I claim victory because Kate cried. Mission accomplished. Your welcome, friend.

And by request of my mama, I’m sharing the toast here… why not!

I’ve known Kate for over 20 years. We met when we started Kindergarten together and we continued through school together. Except for in the 6th grade, when she left me to go to public school. That was hard for me. But we met back up in High School. Then she moved away to college. Then I transferred to be at the same college. Then she moved to Alabama. But now she’s marrying Joel and hopefully he can keep her in one place and that emotional roller coaster can finally be over.

I thought about a lot of wonderful stories I could share tonight but I couldn’t narrow it down so I want to talk about 3 things – love, friends and family.

I remember when Kate and Joel were first dating and I hadn’t had many opportunities yet to see them together. Joel came to Streator for thanksgiving and everyone was going out to a bar the night before. I remember walking into that bar and seeing them together in the back  of the room and I said to my husband, “Holy shit. They’re in love. Kate and Joel are in love.” “Ya think?” he said. And I said, “I know so. I’ve got 20 bucks that says I’m giving a wedding toast in 12 months.” And at least I was right about one thing, because that was 3 thanksgivings ago. But it has been a fun 3 years of watching them fall in love and build a great friendship.

Being married, I think, is half about being in love and half about staying friends. If there is anyone who knows anything about how to be a good friend, it is Kate.

Joel, you’ve got yourself an amazing wife but I promise, you will have an even better friend. She will make you laugh, she will keep you in line with truth and sharp perspective, she will have your back when no one else does, she will believe in you and she will make you awesome, craft birthday gifts.

And we can’t talk about marriage without talking about family, which brings me to a great little story. When Kate first started dating Joel she was going on and on about how she couldn’t wait for us to meet him and how great he was so I said, “Well what is he like?”

She answered “He’s like my dad…”

I think I responded with something tactful like, “Are you trying to tell me he’s your dad’s age?”

And Kate said, “Seriously…he’s a carpenter, his garage smells like saw dust, he wears his cell phone in a holster and tucks in his polo shirt. And he has the best laugh you have ever heard.”

Of course that all turned out to be true. But I’m not suprised Kate’s marrying someone who reminders her of her dad. Because there’s a moment when you realize that someone fits into your life the same comfortable, perfect but slightly messed up way that your own family does. And I’m so happy for you todya because beyond finding love and an incredible friendship, your officially each other’s family and it doesn’t get better than that. There’s nothing more awesome than the family you choose for yourself. And I want to say I am so lucky to have Kate, and now Joel, as part of my family. Everytime I feel far from home I’m so thankful to know that a big part of my family is just down the road. Please know, that you have a big extended family of friends and we all love you both and are here for you always.

So on your wedding day, my wish for you is that the family you start here today grows wildly. I hope you grow up together, I hope you challenged, comfort and encourage each other. I hope you piss each other off. I hope you have adventures and boring nights at home. I hope you take all your showers together. I hope your babies call me Aunt Maggie. And I hope many, many years from now, you are still madly in love, the very best of friends and surrounded by an amazing family.

Here’s to love, friendship and family. Forever, for always, no matter what.

So with those words said, I started drinking and dancing and I didn’t stop for many, many hours.

I also ate a lot of the awesome cake. Didn’t manage to snag a picture of it…but I do have these photos from the cutting!

There were of course the official important dances with dad and with mom and with the bridal party. Though the beginning of the bridal party dance was a hilarious mess. Remember that bracelet I mentioned? Well, Kate put her arm in the air and got her bracelet stuck to her birdcage veil which was very securely attached to her head. I can only hope the photographers caught that moment.

“Help! Help! Oh my God! I’m stuck!”

“Are you fecking kidding me?!”

That time I did not manage to unhook the bracelet. There was too much laughing and shrieking and all I know is that at some point Kate was no longer wearing the veil!

So. Much. Dancing.

Glow sticks, people. There were glow sticks. And rave music. And then country music. And old rap music. And more Michael Jackson than you can shake a stick at.

And there was singing. Loud, nearly-screaming, singing.

At the end of the last song we had literally, and I do not make this up, attracted neighborhood dogs. I shit you not. We sang “Don’t Stop Believin'” and when we finished, a yellow lab was standing outside with his nose pressed to the window screen. Literally attracted dogs. Everybody and their dog wanted to be at that party.

When the music stopped at the lights turned on, there as of course an after party.

Um how cool does the groom look in this photo? I’m loving it.

After the after party, there was Mother’s Day and an 8 a.m. breakfast date with my parents and a raging head ache.

Best weekend ever.

Many congratulations to Kate and Joel. And many more thank yous to them for an awesome, awesome weekend. You guys can throw a wedding anytime, because that was fabulous!

 


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